Marriage tips from a rookie in the game.

posted on: Tuesday, January 27, 2015


I am no expert. I am actually kind of a beginner. I am not perfect. We are not perfect.

The other day, I was thinking about my relationship with Danny. I thought about how we were when we were dating, engaged, newlyweds, and now 2 1/2 years deep in this marriage stuff. I have loved every single stage of it all- the easy and the hard. But I kept thinking how far we have come. We have not perfected our marriage- truthfully we are far from it. But every day we work at it. Every day we learn. Every day we grow.. together.

I wanted to share some of the things I have learned in the first few years of marriage.

1- Remember- you are on the same team.
In the midst of an argument, I would catch myself remembering this. Your spouse is your teammate. You two are in this life together. It's okay to disagree- but speak kindly. Work together.

2- Communicate!
I'll admit.. I sucked at this the first year of marriage. And it has been a battle for me to improve. I would be sad, offended, bugged, -whatever it may be- and I would just expect Danny to know what was wrong with me. I would hold it against him when he didn't apologize- when he didn't even realize I was upset at something. GIRLS- your husband is not a mind reader. Don't hold him to that standard. Tell him what is bugging you and figure out a way to move on.

3- Never talk bad about your spouse.
I was given this advice before I was married and I have treasured it ever since. It is as simple and straight forward as it sounds. Do not talk bad about your spouse to anyone. Your marriage is a sacred and glorious thing- don't gossip about the one you love. Just don't.

4- Forgive and forget.
This one is hard - but so important. Please please please break the habit of holding grudges. Life is too short. There would be times we were laying in bed at night after an argument. It would take every fiber of my being to scoot over and cuddle with my husband and apologize for whatever happened (even if I was still convinced I was right). Literally within seconds that deep love I have for him comes flooding back and the tension we felt was gone. Again- you are on the same team... so BE on the same team.

5- Do fun things together.
I can't even stress how crucial this is. Don't get married and stop dating. DO THINGS. Make memories. Be goofballs. Try new things. Make new friends. TRAVEL. Make an effort to get off the couch and have fun together.

6- Take interest in your spouse's passions.
If it is important to them- make it important to you.

7- Support each other in everything. 
Be that rock for your spouse. Let them know they can always count on you. Celebrate one another's success. Let them know you are proud of them. Be there when they fail. Find solutions to their problems. BE THEIR NUMBER ONE FAN.

8- Be social. Hang out with other couples / friends.
I didn't think this was important - until we got married. It is so good for your relationship to hang out with other people. To be in social environments together. To go out on a Friday night and interact with people. Just to have conversations with other married, or single, friends. To laugh and have a good time. I am grateful to have so many good people in our lives that we can learn and grow from.

9- Compliment each other.
Simple right? You married him because you think he is the hottest thing on this planet right? You love how kind he is? How funny he is? How good he is at making fettucini alfredo pasta roni? TELL HIM. Same to you guys. We as humans, like to hear compliments. We like to hear that these pants make my bum look good. So tell me! I have learned that playing "the game" ends when you get married. You don't have to hold back on your affections. If you really like something about someone. say it! (Again we are not mind readers). And guys, trust me, if you tell your wife she looks sexy- she will be a lot more confident in herself. And who doesn't like a confident woman?

10- Say "I love you" every day.
I probably say it way too much, but I mean it every time. However you express your love to your spouse- do it and do it OFTEN.

11- Make the Lord a priority. 
I saved this one for last, not because it is least important, but rather the most important advice I can give. NO MATTER WHAT- our Heavenly Father is the most important part of your relationship. If we are keeping the commandments and keeping Him in all our thoughts and actions, everything else will fall into place. Pray for your spouse. Pray with your spouse. Go to church and immerse yourself in His work. Serve together. Go to the temple together. Share your testimony. Do things together that invite the Spirit.

Again- please don't get the impression that we have everything figured out. We still haven't figured out how to decide where to go out to eat. Like who makes this decision?! Literally it will take us an hour sometimes (and an occasional argument) to determine where we should eat. (Suggestions greatly appreciated!!) But in reality, marriage can be hard. Don't be down on yourself if everyone else's marriage seems perfect but yours- social media lies. Instagram can put on a fake persona. Try not to compare to other people. Find joy and happiness in the life that you have created together.

Also- please note we are having a baby in a month. This list may be subject to change. Or grow......

p.s. Happy almost Valentines Day Danny- I'm glad I'm on your team!


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